


we're falling apart, we're falling together

by Cartecka



Series: USWNT at Hogwarts [3]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, Hogwarts AU, Presston - Freeform, USWNT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-05-31 13:20:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6471565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cartecka/pseuds/Cartecka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You wouldn't think that the best way to get the girl would be to hit her with a bludger and put her in the hospital wing, but, who knows, maybe it'll work out for Julie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Christen tossed the Quaffle to Ali, dodging past Kelley O’Hara as she did. Ali flew up, lining up to take the shot, but Christen, recognizing it was a feint, flew underneath her, ready to receive the ball that Ali would send down to her so that she could stuff it into the right hoop. Unfortunately, she wasn’t the only one that realized Ali’s intentions and before Ali could pass her the ball, a bludger, courtesy of a Gryffindor beater, caught the tail end of her broom. Christen lost control and spiraled off. She felt herself hit the goal post, felt a flash of pain, and then nothing.

* * *

 

“You know, I may be a little out of the dating world since I’ve been with Dave for so long, but I feel like sending the girl you like to the hospital wing isn’t the best way to flirt,” Heather said with a small laugh.

Julie groaned. As a beater, she had come to terms with the fact that sometimes people on the receiving end of her bludgers got hurt. It was just a part of the game and everyone on the Quidditch pitch subscribed to it when they stepped out there. Julie had learned after her first game not to feel too guilty about it. Except this time it had been Christen who had gotten hit. The fifth year chaser had caught Julie’s attention the day they’d first played against each other two years before and, while Julie had never had the guts to speak to her, the feelings of admiration had only swelled.

Christen was one of the best fliers Julie had ever seen. She was fast and her turns were sharp. Her shots, as well, were always finished with extreme precision and skill. When Julie first had to play against her, her captain at the time, Abby, had told her that she and her fellow beater Meghan should keep a special eye on Christen because, despite only being a third year at the time, she had the potential to be one of the best chasers at the school.

Then, as time had passed, Julie had learned that Christen also consistently scored high marks in most of her classes, a feat that few other Quidditch players could be bothered with, and that she was also one of the genuinely nicest people in the school. And to top it all off, this year, she had been named Prefect for Ravenclaw, something that had not surprised Julie at all, and had made her swell with pride.

It also didn’t hurt that Christen was gorgeous.

That is, she was gorgeous when she didn’t have a black eye because she’d fallen face first into a goal post because her broom had been shattered by a bludger sent her way by Julie herself. Which brought her back to the point that Heather had made.

“I didn’t mean to. I just didn’t want her to get the Quaffle. Ali was going to pull a Porskoff Ploy.”

“Yeah, that was good defense on your part.”

“Good defense that has her unconscious in the hospital wing.”

“Look, Julie. Ask any Quidditch player on any team. We’ve all spent at least a night unconscious in the hospital wing. It’s not ideal but it happens and we know that. Christen knows that and she doesn’t blame you. Though maybe if you went and apologized to her and offered to, I don’t know, take her out on a date, she would forgive you.”

“I’m not going to use her injury to make a move on her!” Julie exclaimed, drawing the attention of many of her teammates. Heather laughed loudly.

“Look, do whatever you want, but tonight, no more moping in the corner. We won our first game of the year so we have to celebrate.”

“Only because I took out their star chaser,” Julie muttered under her breath, but she stood and followed Heather over to where Kelley was pouring drinks freely. 

* * *

 

The next morning, Julie got news that Christen had woken up and was doing alright, though she would have to stay in the hospital wing at least one more night just in case. After Julie had gotten drunk the night before, the guilt had faded a little, but this morning, it had returned full force making her hangover seem mild in comparison. Knowing that the guilt would not fade until she apologized, she had trudged to the hospital wing after her last class of the day.

“Hello dear,” Nurse Scott said, as she entered. “It’s nice to see you again Julie. Are you hurt from the game? You know you shouldn’t wait this long to come to me if you are.”

Julie smiled at the nurse. Dawn Scott had been the nurse at Hogwarts for as long as anyone could remember. And she always remembered the Quidditch players who would stumble in after games or practices bruised and battered. During her second year, Julie had attempted and failed an elaborate roll during practice and had fallen off her broom. Julie had come out of this ordeal with a broken arm and two broken ribs. She and Dawn had gotten to know each other well during the night she’d spent there and the handful of times Julie had been back since.

“I’m not hurt today Nurse Scott,” Julie said with a smile. “I’m here today to visit someone. Is Christen Press still here?”

“With the number your bludger did on her, I should think so,” Nurse Scott said. She must have caught the way Julie flinched, because she softened.

“Oh, don’t worry. I’ve seen way worse in my time here. Quidditch is a brutal sport and if you feel guilty every time someone gets hurt, you won’t end up having much fun.”

“I’ll try not to,” Julie replied with a smile.

“Well, alright then. She’s just through there.”

Julie nodded and thanked Dawn before walking through the small curtain that separated the beds from the rest of the room in a semblance of privacy.

She found Christen awake and sitting in bed, working on what looked like Transfiguration reading. The book she was holding was so large that Julie was glad that she would never have to take an advanced Transfiguration course in order to be an Auror. Christen did not look up when Julie walked in, nor did she look up until Julie was standing awkwardly at the foot of her bed.

“Oh!” She said, clearly surprised as she spotted Julie. “Hi.”

“Uh, hi,” Julie said. “I… I just… My name is Julie. I don’t know if you already knew that, but anyway, I came to apologize for hitting the bludger at you so hard. I didn’t expect you to end up hitting the goal post… And I’m sorry I broke your broom. I don’t really have the money to replace it but if there’s anything I can to do repay you…”

Christen looked at her in surprise.

“Thank you for offering but my parents already bought me a new broom. It should be arriving tomorrow. And you don’t need to apologize. I mean, I am a little unhappy I didn’t get to finish the game and I’m definitely unhappy that we lost because we were down a chaser but this stuff happens. It’s okay.”

Julie nodded.

“Well, if there’s anything I can do… Just let me know. Otherwise, I guess I’ll see you around,” Julie said. She was a little disappointed, but she wasn’t sure what she’d expected. It wasn’t like Christen was going to fall to her knees and beg her for a date. Julie started to make her way out of the hospital wing.

“Wait!” Christen called from behind her and Julie’s heart stuttered.

“Yeah?” Julie said, maybe a little too hopefully, but Christen didn’t seem to notice.

“Why did you come and apologize to me? I mean, last year you sent a bludger at Whitney that broke three of her ribs and had her in the hospital wing for a week and you didn’t apologize. I mean no one really expected you to, but why did you apologize to me?”

Julie gulped and then took a deep breath. Channeling all of her courage into what she was going to say next, Julie looked into Christen’s eyes and said, “Well, maybe it’s because you’re special.”


	2. Chapter 2

Christen was angry at Julie. Not because she had caused her to spend two nights in the hospital wing. After all, one of her own teammates had done that to her during practice once. She was mad because she couldn’t concentrate on her homework. There were so many questions swirling through her head. Why had Julie come to apologize? What had she meant when she’d said that Christen was special? When she’d said it, she’d looked Christen right in the eye but as soon as the words came out of her mouth, she’d blushed deeply and turned and left before Christen could even figure out what had happened.

And now Christen was trying to finish the Transfiguration homework she’d been assigned and all that she could think about was the way that Julie’s lip had curled up a little when she’d said the word special.

“Argh!” she said in frustration.

“Well, if that’s how I’m welcomed when I come and bring you candy maybe I should just leave,” a voice said. Christen looked towards the entrance to the hospital wing and smiled to see her teammate and captain standing there with a handful candy.

“Sorry Becky, I didn’t see you there,” Christen said.

“Well, if that wasn’t a response to my lovely face then what’s up? You okay? You need help with your Transfiguration essay?” Becky asked glancing at Christen’s work.

“No, it’s not that. It’s just…” Christen trailed off unsure of how to explain why she was so frustrated.

“Here, eat some chocolate while you sort your words out,” Becky said, offering her a chocolate frog. Christen took it and ate it as slowly as she could to buy herself time to think. When she finally finished, she still wasn’t quite sure what she was going to say but she had a place to start, which was good enough.

“Earlier, Julie, the Gryffindor beater, came to apologize.”

Becky looked at her in surprise.

“Really? I’ve never apologized to anyone I hurt during a game.”

“Yeah, I know. No one has ever apologized to me before."

“Hmmm, that’s weird. Did she say anything?”

“Well…. She said that she was sorry she broke my broom and that she couldn’t replace it but she would gladly do something else to make up for it. And I told her she didn’t need to, but as she was leaving I asked her why she’d come to apologize to me when she didn’t for anyone else and she said that I was special.”

Becky looked at Christen in amusement.

“Okay, what did you say to that?”

“Nothing! She left right after she said it and I don’t know what you’re supposed to say to that. What did she mean?”

Becky burst out laughing.

“What?” Christen said, frowning. She wasn’t sure what was going on but she’d been serious when she’d asked the question and she didn’t appreciate Becky laughing at her. “Becky! I’m serious here.”

“Yeah,” Becky said. “That’s the funny part.”

Christen frowned.

“I don’t get it.”

“Christen, you are one of the smartest people I know. How can you not have figured it out?”

“Figured what out?” Christen whined.

“Julie likes you.”

Christen’s jaw dropped. She had not for a single second considered that that might be an option. The idea that the girl who had sent her spiraling into a goal post, and who she had never spoken tobefore that day, liked her made no sense. But it wasn't like Christen could think of any other plausible explanation.

“Are you sure?” Christen asked.

“100%? No. I mean, I won’t know that for sure unless she says so directly. But all the signs point to her liking you. Checking up on you, offering to do anything to make it up to you, telling you you’re special. Seems pretty convincing from where I’m sitting,” Becky said.

“What do I do?” Christen asked.

“You don’t have to do anything, if you don’t like her. I mean, if you do, then ask her out, but if you don’t then just act normal. If she asks you out, tell her you just want to be friends. Other than that, life will go on.”

Christen nodded.

“Don’t worry about it too much Chris,” Becky said. “I mean you probably won’t see her that often anyway.”

 

* * *

 

Christen seemed to see Julie everywhere she went. It wasn’t like their schedules had changed and it didn’t seem like Julie was seeking her out which meant that Julie must have always been there and Christen just hadn’t noticed.

Christen wasn’t interested in Julie romantically, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t interested in her as a person. It was really easy to learn a lot about other people at a school with only 300 students if she just paid attention. She learned that Julie was very good at Defense Against the Dark Arts, top of her class in fact, and that she wanted to be an Auror when she graduated. She learned that maybe being an Auror was not the best job for Julie because she was sweet and kind and gentle to everyone she met (off the pitch at least). Christen learned that she smiled and laughed freely and she seemed to gravitate to the people who seemed to be having a good time, but she wouldn’t shy away from people who were struggling. She learned that Julie’s teammates saw her as the potential captain in three years, after Kelley graduated, because she was hardworking and dedicated to her team.

With everything Christen learned, she just wanted to learn more. Which is why she spent a lot of her time in the dining hall, trying to eavesdrop on the Gryffindor table. It wasn't really easy with all the noise, but every so often Christen would catch a snippet of something.

“Hey Chris!” a voice said, pulling Christen out of her current observation of the younger beater.

“Hey Tobs,” Christen said, smiling softly as she saw the other girl approach.

“You good? You’ve been staring a hole into Julie. Are you still mad about her breaking your broom? You already got a new one and you know she didn’t mean to,” Tobin said.

“Huh? What? I wasn't staring at Julie,” Christen said too quickly to give her denial any credit.

Tobin raised her eyebrows.

“Okay, so that was a lie. Do you…?” Tobin paused and a small grin spread across her face. “Do you like her?”

Christen tried to ignore the stab of pain that shot through her chest.

Christen had met Tobin when she was 11 and terrified on the Hogwarts Express. Even then, Tobin had been calm and cool, letting everything flow over her, and she's sat down next Christen and told her that everything would be okay. If pressed, Christen would have pinpointed that as the moment she fell for Tobin. She'd been heartbroken when they'd ended up in different Houses but Tobin had promised they'd stay friends and she'd kept that promise. For a while, Christen had entertained the idea of asking Tobin out, but then Tobin met Alex and Christen saw the way Tobin lit up around her. She'd never considered for a second that Alex wouldn't fall in love with Tobin. It was inevitable as far as Christen was concerned. Which is why it didn't surprise her at all when Tobin had come up to her smiling and blushing and told her that she and Alex were dating. Christen had smiled at her and congratulated her, but that night she'd cried herself to sleep.

“I don't have feelings for her one way or another,” Christen said, and this time her voice was steady enough to convince Tobin.

“Alright, then what's up with the staring?” Tobin asked.

“Uh, I dunno. She came and apologized when I was in the hospital wing and I guess I just realized that I didn't know anything about her.”

“Hmm,” Tobin said, looking over at Julie curiously. “I guess I don't know much about her either. Kelley really likes her. Says that she’s a really good beater for her age. Usually takes more experience to get as good as she is. I think Ash said something about wanting her to be on her team if she goes professional.”

Christen nodded. She knew all of this already.

“Whatever, I don’t really care that much,” she said. “How have you been? How are things with Alex?”

“Great,” Tobin said. “Really. I used to think… I guess I’ve never been the kind of person that likes to stay still you know? I never thought I’d be able to commit like this.”

And Christen does know. She knows that Tobin flits from friend to friend like a bee going from flower to flower. Sometimes she won’t see Tobin for days at a time. She's too restless and curious about everyone to stay put, but Christen also knows that she always comes back, bright eyed as if they’d spent no time apart. The first sign that Alex was special to Tobin was the fact that Tobin kept going back to her. Christen had dreamed of that happening to her since the two had first met.

“And like, I keep getting worried that I’ll get bored and want to leave because that happens to me sometimes,” Tobin says, “But it hasn’t happened yet. Really, the opposite. Every time I’m with her, I just want to be with her more and when I’m not with her, I wish I were.”

Christen swallows past the lump in her throat because that’s exactly how she feels around Tobin, but she ignores that thought and just smiles.

“Yeah,” she says. “That’s pretty sweet.”

Tobin grins back.

“How are you though? That was a pretty nasty knock you took last weekend.”

“No big deal. Dawn patched me right up and I’m good as new. Only missed one day of class.”

“Of course you would measure how severe an injury was based on how many classes you missed. Nerd,” Tobin joked and Christen laughed.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it. Make fun of the Ravenclaw.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re doing better. I really hate seeing you get hurt. You’re my best friend you know that?”

Christen smiled like the word friend wasn’t a knife to her chest.

“Yeah, I know.”


	3. Chapter 3

In retrospect, Christen should not have gotten drunk on her own.

In her defense, she hadn’t planned on getting drunk on her own. Tobin was supposed to meet her at the Hog’s Head Inn where they planned to charm the owner into giving them drinks as they made fun of the first years trying to get drunk off butterbeer. It had been one of their favorite activities since their third year. On the nights when they did this, they’d play catch up and talk about things they would never have said sober in the light of day. But, Tobin had cancelled last minute saying that Alex was sick and she didn’t want to leave her alone. So Christen sat alone at the Hog’s Head ignoring the pitying looks from everyone who thought she had been stood up. She supposed that technically she had.

Three hours later, Christen was stumbling her way back to the castle hoping not to get caught by one of her fellow prefects or even worse a professor. It was hard though, since she could no longer walk straight and her feet kept hitting the ground a little too hard. And when she heard someone in the hall behind her, and tried to run and hide, she tripped over her own robes and ended up in an awkward pile on the floor.

“Christen?” she heard a voice behind her say. She thought she recognized it but could not figure out who it belonged to until a cute face framed by blonde hair hovered into her vision.

“Are you okay?” Julie asked, lowering herself down to help Christen to her feet. It was easier said than done because Christen was refusing Julie’s hands and instead insisting on using her robes to pull her up, but eventually, Julie was able to get an arm around her and hold her steady.

“You have freckles,” Christen said. “I didn’t notice last time.”

“Uh, yeah. They’ve kind of always been there,” Julie replied awkwardly. This was not a position she had expected or particularly wanted to be in. “How about I take you back to the Ravenclaw dorm?”

Christen nodded enthusiastically but then her face fell.

“Oh, no… we can’t.”

“Why not?” Julie asked.

“I don’t know the riddle.”

“What riddle?”

“To get in. The other houses have passwords but Ravenclaw has a riddle and I’m not smart enough right now to figure it out.”

“Okay, okay,” Julie muttered. “I’ll take you to Gryffindor instead. Come on, let’s go.”

With a lot of sweet talking, threatening, tugging, and carrying, Julie was able to get Christen up into Gryffindor tower and into the fourth year dorms. She rolled her eyes when Crystal looked at her skeptically but didn’t say anything. She had no clue how to explain this.

“Come on, Christen,” Julie said. “Let’s get you out of those robes into something more comfortable. I can lend you a shirt or something.”

“Wow… Becky said you liked me but I didn’t think you’d try to get me naked that quickly,” Christen replied with a smirk.

“Well, on that note,” Crystal said, “I think I’m going to go to the common room for a bit. Give you two some privacy.”

Julie’s glare as she left was murderous.

“I don’t want to get you naked. I just think that you’ll be more comfortable in other clothes. But if you want to keep that on, be my guest,” Julie said, irritated. She had hoped to be the one to tell Christen that she liked her and she’d also hoped that when Christen found out that she liked her that she would be less cavalier about it. She hadn't expected to be teased about it.

But all of her irritation fled as Christen burst into tears.

“Oh no,” Julie said, her hands hovering over the other girl, unsure of how to best comfort her. “Oh no. I’m sorry Chris. Shhh, please don’t cry. Tell me what’s wrong. Why are you crying?”

“No one wants me,” Christen sobbed. “No one wants me because I’m unwantable. I am completely not wantable at all. That’s why no one wants me.”

“No, no. I do want you. I think you're amazing and beautiful and really sweet. I've wanted you for so long. Just not right now while you’re drunk and kind of a mess. But believe me Christen I do want you, okay? I do.”

Christen looked up at Julie. Her green eyes were red and puffy and there were tear tracks were her makeup had smeared down her cheeks.

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. Look, just…. Here’s a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. You can change out of your clothes and put them on. I’m going to get you some water so you aren’t miserable in the morning. Okay? I’ll be back in one sec.”

Julie scurried out of the room and paused on the other side of the door to take a deep breath. She prayed to whoever was listening that Christen not remember any of this in the morning because Julie had just bared her soul in a way that she really wished she hadn’t.

 

* * *

 

When Julie woke up the next morning, the only indication that Christen had ever been there was the fact that Julie was not in her own bed, having decided that sharing with Crystal was better for everyone, and that her own bed had been made for the first time since she’d moved in at the beginning of the year. The clothes that Christen had borrowed were folded neatly at the end.

“Shit!” she said under her breath as she rolled out of bed. Crystal grumbled a little but then just rolled to take up the space that Julie had vacated and fell back asleep. “Shit,” Julie repeated, quieter this time. She stood in the middle of her room, just staring at the clothes that Christen had put on the night before. When Julie had come back in the room with the glass of water the night before, Christen had already fallen asleep on her bed. Julie had woken her up just enough to help her under the covers and then let her sleep. It had taken Julie hours afterwards to fall asleep. Now that the morning had come around and Christen was gone, Julie didn’t quite know what to do.

Feeling lost and unsure of what else to do, she made her way down to the common room. Maybe the universe understood that she needed advice because the only person there, sitting in one of the armchairs by the fire, was Heather.

“Morning,” she said cheerily. “You have a good night?”

Julie didn’t quite know how to answer that question so she just mumbled back a ‘morning’ before filling a cup with coffee from one of the perpetually stocked containers in the corner.

“Bad night?” Heather replied. Julie shrugged.

“Want to talk about it?”

Julie took a deep breath and sat down across from Heather. She stared at her coffee for a while, trying to gather her thoughts and then she told Heather everything that happened the night before. When she was done, Heather didn’t say anything, instead sitting in her armchair pensively.

“What should I do?” Julie prompted.

“I don’t know Julie. This is probably weird for her. We don’t know how much she remembers. If she doesn’t remember anything, then this morning she woke up in your bed with no context, which has got to freak her out. If she does remember, she remembers that she was in a very vulnerable position with you last night and she remembers what you essentially confessed your dying love to you and it's bound to be a little weird. I really don’t know what to tell you, other than that you should let her approach you. I think you approaching her might make her uncomfortable.”

“What if she doesn’t approach me?” Julie asked.

“Then I guess that’s a sign that she’s not interested and it might be for the best,” Heather replied with a somewhat pitying look.


	4. Chapter 4

Christen woke up in an unfamiliar room, but she could almost immediately tell from the red curtains and red walls and red everything that she must be in the Gryffindor dormitory. She looked over at the bed beside her and saw Julie sleeping with Crystal wrapped around her like a koala.

“What the fuck?” she said under her breath and looked around the room. She was having trouble thinking because of the pounding headache, but she knew that nothing good could have brought her here. Slowly, as her brain started to wake up, memories from the night before flitted into her mind. “Oh, shit,” she whispered and then, moving as quietly as she could so as not to disrupt Julie or any of her roommates, she quickly slipped out of bed and changed back into her own clothes. Feeling bad about the trouble she’d caused, she made the bed and folded the clothes and a form of saying sorry and then scurried out of the rooms.

She made her way to the Ravenclaw tower as quickly as she could and was overjoyed to see Ali, her sixth-year teammate, also making her way back to the dorm.

“Ali, wait!” she called, hoping to get Ali to hold the door for her so that she wouldn’t have to answer a riddle. She wasn’t quite sure that her brain could handle it in that moment. Ali turned and held the door for her with a smile.

“Hey there, Chris,” she smirked when Christen caught up to her, “You have a good night?”

“As if we don’t both know that you’re also crawling back from the Gryffindor dorms after hooking up with their Keeper.”

“Also coming from Gryffindor? We must have just missed each other. Pray tell, Christen, who in Gryffindor did you hook up with?”

“No one,” Christen grumbled. “I don’t think so anyway.”

“You don’t think? You can’t be serious. You don’t remember? How much did you drink?”

“A lot…” Christen muttered under her breath. “I mean, I think I remember everything. And I was fully clothed and alone in the bed this morning. Julie was in the other bed.”

“Julie? The Gryffindor beater?” Ali asked, surprised. By now the two girls had made it to the Ravenclaw common room and Ali pulled Christen down to sit on a sofa next to her. “Please, tell me more.”

So Christen told her about the night before. About how she’d gotten drunk on her own after Tobin had cancelled and about how Julie had found her and taken care of her. She told her how she's burst into tears and about Julie's confession.

“Ugh, this is a mess,” she concluded. Ali looked at her sympathetically.

“You still have feelings for Tobin,” Ali said. Christen sighed.

“Yeah. I do and it’s dumb because she’s with Alex and it's been like a year. She loves her and Alex is a good person and honestly, if I didn’t hate it so much, I’d think they were cute together. My goal isn’t to get in the middle of that. I’ve stopped trying. I just… I can’t turn these feelings off,” she said. “I wish I could.”

“Well, you know what they say,” Ali said. “To get over someone…”

“No! I’m not going to have random meaningless sex just to get over Tobin.”

“Why not?” Ali asked. “If it feels good and you have a good time what’s the worst that could happen.”

Christen shook her head. To be honest, she’d never really understood the appeal of one night stands. On the one occasion that she had chosen to partake in one, it had been fun at the time but it had left her with a bad taste in her mouth. It had felt fake and emotionally alienating and she swore she would never do it again.

“Well alright, if you don’t want to, then don’t. We’ll figure out something else to help you get over Tobin. Now what are you going to do about Julie?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, she took care of your pathetic ass last night. She let you sleep in her bed and lent you her clothes. She deserves at least a thank you.”

“I can’t face her after last night,” Christen said, appalled at the idea that Ali had even suggested it. Only Tobin had ever seen her in that drunk before and she’d been much happier and a lot less weepy at the time.

“Oh, come on. Look, all you have to do is go up to her and say, ‘Thank you for last night’ and then you can leave and never talk to her again. She deserves to be acknowledged.”

Christen knew that Ali was right, but that didn’t mean she had to like it.

“Fine,” she said. “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

 

* * *

 

Of course, when tomorrow came, the last thing Christen wanted to do was talk to Julie.

“Come on,” Ali urged her at the breakfast table glancing at the Gryffindor table where Julie sat with Crystal and Lindsey. “If you don’t go now, she might have to leave for class.”

“No, there’s so many people here. It’s awkward. She already saw me a mess, I don’t need the entire school to know.”

“Do you plan on screaming at her?” Becky asked, sarcastically. “If you talk normally, most people won’t hear you. It’s loud in here.”

“Her friends will hear me,” Christen said petulantly.

“You know what, whatever. You’re just making excuses not to go over there, but if you really want to talk to her alone, I happen to know that Gryffindor has practice today and that she always stays behind on the pitch to do extra training,” Becky said. “If you go around 4:15 she should be there, alone.”

“Fine,” she mumbled, getting up. “I gotta get to class.”

“If you don’t go talk to her, I’m making you fly extra laps at practice,” Becky shouted as she left.

 

* * *

 

Once classes were over, Christen made her way down the path towards the Quidditch pitch. No matter how much she had tried to justify not going, none of her arguments were good enough. Julie deserved to be thanked for helping and maybe deserved an apology as well.

As she made her way down the path by the lake, a couple on the docks caught her eye. The weather was gorgeous, and sunny and the lake was sparkling. It was a gorgeous day and she was happy for a second that someone was living out the date fantasy that she had harbored in her mind since her first year. Days like these were her favorite and spending them, by the lake, with someone she loved was her ultimate dream. It was a really nice image that made Christen’s heart feel lighter but as she looked closer, she found that she recognized the sandy brown hair of one of the pair. With a sinking heart, she realized that the couple on the peer were Tobin and Alex.

She was surprised by the sudden pain in her chest. It was strong and it cut like a knife. She’d gotten used to the dull ache whenever she thought of Alex and Tobin together, but this was different. It hurt to see them together like that, living out her dream, one where she had often pictured herself in Alex's place. Lowering her head, and fighting tears, Christen ran the rest of the way to the quidditch pitch. By the time she made it, tears were streaming down her face. She sat just outside the doors to the tunnel and put her head into her arms.

Christen didn’t know how long she sat there for, but it must have been a while because before she knew it, footsteps were coming down the tunnel. She hastily stood up, wiping the tears from her eyes and was about to turn to make her way back to the castle but before she could, Julie pushed the door open and spotted her.

“Christen?” She asked, clearly confused. Christen knew that she must look a mess with flyaway hairs and tears streaming down her face.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” she said, in an attempt to lighten the situation. Julie just looked skeptical but it made Christen feel a little better.

“Yeah…” Julie said. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. It’s kinda dumb, I guess. Something in my life isn’t going the way I wanted it to and I just… There’s not really anything can do about it so I cry a lot I guess. I came here to say thank you for last night. I really didn’t mean to burst into tears and be a mess like this, but sometimes the world catches you by surprise, you know?”

“Not really, no,” Julie said. “Is there anything I can do to help you? Like do you want to talk or something?”

Christen shook her head.

“Well, is there something else I can do? Do you have a friend I can call maybe?”

Normally, Christen would have asked her to call Tobin, but that wasn’t an option right now. The thought just made her burst into tears again.

“Sorry,” she sobbed, trying to pull herself together, but she couldn’t.

“Hey, no,” Julie said and she took a step forward and pulled Christen into her arms. “It’s okay. It’s okay to cry, just get it all out. It’s okay.”

Christen allowed herself to kind of fall into Julie’s arms. Julie was slightly taller than her and with broader shoulders. She was strong and solid and that comforted Christen immensely. She felt safe in Julie’s arms. Eventually, she stopped crying but she did not pull away. She was comfortable and warm and the ache in her chest had subsided.

“I swear I don’t usually cry this much,” she mumbled into Julie’s shoulder. Her robe was wet where Christen’s tears had collected. “I guess I just have a lot going on.”

“It’s okay,” Julie said. “It’s okay to be sad and to cry. And it’s okay to talk about it or not talk about it. Whatever you want.”

Christen nodded and now she finally pulled away.

“Sorry about your robe,” she said, brushing at the shoulder as if she could brush away the tears that had soaked into the fabric.

“That’s okay. Your tears are not by a long shot the worst thing that this robe has seen, with the sweat and the dirt and the blood it accumulates during practice and games. I’ll wash it later,” Julie said. “Come on, let’s head back to the castle. I’m starving.”

 

* * *

 

Dinner with Julie was… nice. That was really all Christen could say about it. The fourth year was charming and charismatic. She did a wonderful job of avoiding all awkwardness. She made Christen laugh and for a while, made her forget about Tobin.

“Well, this has been fun,” Julie said, as they finished off dessert, “But I'm still covered in dirt and grime and I really want a shower.”

“Yeah, okay,” Christen said, and she was struck at how disappointed she was that Julie had to go.

“Hey, if you ever need to talk to someone or just, I don’t know, decompress or something, come and find me, yeah?”

Christen nodded and Julie smiled widely at her.

“I’ll see you around Chris,” Julie said.


	5. Chapter 5

Over the next couple of weeks, Christen found herself with Julie more and more often. The next time Gryffindor had practice, Christen happened to be walking up from her Herbology class and passed the pitch. She saw the Gryffindors filing out and up to the castle and noticed that Julie was not with them. She figured that she had stayed back again. Realizing that most of her other friends were busy at the time, Christen decided to wait for Julie to finish. When Julie walked out of the tunnel to see Christen waiting at the end, she said, “You’re not crying. Good day?” Christen had just smiled.

And just like that it became a tradition. Every time the Gryffindors had practice, Christen would wait for Julie afterwards and then they would go up to dinner together. Julie was funny and smart and easy to be around. As time passed, Christen found herself looking forward to these times more than anything else and she almost didn’t notice how she was spending less time with Tobin.

Almost. Though Julie helped dull the ache, Christen still missed Tobin and she became acutely aware after a while that she hadn’t seen Tobin in a week and a half. So, one day as Christen and Julie walked up to the castle together, Christen asked Julie if she'd be willing to sit at the Hufflepuff table for dinner.

“I haven't hung out with Tobin in a while. I still want to have dinner with you but I kinda miss her.”

Predictably, Julie had shrugged with a wide smile.

“Sure, sounds good.”

So, when they made it to the Great Hall, they veered off towards the opposite side of the room. Christen spotted Tobin immediately and couldn't stop the smile that split across her face.

“Hey Tobin!” she called and Tobin looked up, and gave Christen a matching smile that had her tingling from head to toe. “Can we eat with you?”

“Yeah, sure! Alex and Kelley are joining me in a bit but I know they wouldn't mind.”

Christen fought to keep her face normal at the mention of Alex.

“Great! Uh, Tobin, you know Julie, right?”

“We've never met off the pitch, but I’ve heard good things,” Tobin replied.

“Likewise,” Julie responded sliding down into the seat next to Christen.

“So, Chris, I haven't seen you in a while,” Tobin said. “How’ve you been?”

And this was what Christen loved about Tobin. No matter how long they went without seeing each other and no matter what happened in that time, it was so easy to fall back into a rhythm. Christen happily told her everything she'd missed and listened attentively when Tobin told her about her life. Christen was comfortable and happy and she was loving every second. That is until Alex and Kelley showed up.

“Hey guys,” Alex said, slipping into the seat next to Tobin.

“Yo! Julie!!” Kelley said loudly, sitting down next to the blonde beater. “You eating with us tonight?”

“Yup!” Julie said cheerfully and Christen felt her heart drop. She'd forgotten that Julie was there. She looked at her and tried to capture her attention to apologize or something, but Julie was very much looking directly at Kelley and Christen could not catch her eye.

“Gosh, I feel like we haven't had a team dinner in such a long time," Kelley said, piling her plate with more food than her 5' 5" frame could possible take. "When was the last one? Like a month ago? I think I’ll talk to Heather about having another one soon.”

“I haven’t seen you around in a while, Christen,” Alex said. “Tobin misses you, though she won’t admit it.”

“What are you talking about?” Tobin laughed. “I admit it freely. I miss you Christen. We should hangout again soon.”

“Yeah,” Christen said, “Sounds good.”

Despite the addition of Alex, the rest of dinner went smoothly. Mostly anyway. Christen couldn’t help but notice that Julie was a little quieter than usual even when Kelley dragged her into an argument about whether or not chasers were tougher than beaters. She also couldn’t help but notice that as open and friendly as Tobin had always been with her, she smiled and laughed and seemed to even breathe more freely when Alex was beside her. The ache in Christen’s chest that had faded in the last couple weeks came back with a force.

“Anyway,” Julie said loudly and suddenly as her argument with Kelley showed no chance of ending soon. “I have to write a potions essay tonight, so I'm going to go. Kelley, will you read it for me when I'm done?”

“You bet!” Kelley replied.

“Actually,” Christen said, “I'm going to go as well. I have homework too. I'll see you guys later.”

The two girls started to make their way back to the dorms and for the first time since Julie and Christen started hanging out, the silence is awkward.

“You okay?” Christen asks finally, just hoping to break the silence.

“Yeah, I’m good.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, totally. I, uh, I didn't realize that you liked Tobin.”

“Of course I like her, she's my best friend.”

Julie turned to look Christen with a disbelieving look.

“That's not what I meant.”

“I don't like her like that,” Christen replied. It bothered her that after only an hour with them, Julie had been able to figure it out. That meant she was a lot more obvious than she thought. She wondered if Tobin knew as well and the idea made her nauseous so she stopping thinking about it.

“You don't have to lie to me, you know? Is that what's been bothering you?”

Christen clenched her jaw. She did not want to talk about this, particularly not with Julie.

“I know it can suck if you like someone who doesn't like you back, especially if they have a girlfriend and I just want to be here for you if you need anything.”

And now Christen felt guilty. She felt like she was putting Julie in the same position that she had been in for the whole last year with Tobin and Julie didn't deserve that. She didn’t want to hear Julie pretend that she wasn’t hurting and she didn’t want to acknowledge that she might be the one hurting her.

“So, yeah, I’ll be here if you ever need to talk or-”

Julie's words were cut off suddenly as Christen pushed her against the wall and kissed her. It took Julie a second to respond but eventually she did, moving her lips against Christen’s gently. Her hands slid around Christen’s waist and pulled her close. Christen could with full confidence say that it was the best kiss she'd ever had. Julie felt strong and safe and gentle under Christen’s hands and Christen immediately forgot that she’d kissed her to shut her up because she hadn’t wanted to admit her feelings for Tobin. She forgot that Tobin even existed. All she knew at that moment in time was that Julie’s kiss felt like everything she ever could have hoped for and it left her breathless and her knees weak.

Eventually the two parted. Christen tried to collect her thoughts from the muddled, lightheaded state that Julie had left her in. All she could think to say was, “I don't like Tobin.”


	6. Chapter 6

They weren't dating. They just hung out a lot and made out and had dinner together twice a week. They weren't dating though, Julie reminded herself even as Christen lay on top of her, kissing her, fingers playing with the hem of her shirt. They were just having fun. Because though Christen had said she didn't like Tobin, Julie wasn't blind or dumb. She could see how Christen looked at her, all wide eyes and smiles. That wasn't how you looked at a best friend. That was how Julie wished Christen looked at her.

“Yo!!! Julie!!”

The shout down the hall had Christen clamoring off of Julie quickly and Julie straightening her shirt.

“What do you want Kelley?” Julie shouted back and Christen smirked at the tremor in Julie's voice. Kelley burst into Julie’s room like a whirlwind.

“HAO wants to talk to you about the game against Slytherin this weekend.”

“Now?” Julie whined.

“Yes, now. It probably won't take long. Christen can wait here. Go.”

Julie grumbled but pushed herself up to her feet and walked out of the door. As soon as it shut behind her, Kelley turned to Christen with an uncharacteristically serious expression on her face.

“What?” Christen asked.

“You need to stop whatever the hell you’re doing.”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“Stringing Julie along for the ride? Look we all know that you have feelings for Tobin. Honestly, I was surprised that you two never ended up together, though to be honest I'm glad because Alex is really good for her, but I know you aren't over her yet. Julie’s a good kid. She doesn't deserve to be second string. So you need to sort out your feelings as soon as you can before you really hurt her.”

Christen clenched her jaw.

“This is none of your business.”

“Maybe. But Julie's my teammate and my friend. I'm always going to look out for her. So if you hurt her, I swear to god, I can and will make your life a living hell.”

With that, Kelley walked out slamming the door behind her.

 

* * *

 

The meeting had been just as quick as Kelley had promised. The gist: Heather had one last chance to beat Slytherin before she graduated and she would do everything in her power to make to happen. Julie would have to be at the peak of her game. As soon as the meeting was over, Julie made her way back to her room.

“Hey, Chris,” she said, as she entered. “Are you…”

Julie trailed off. The room was empty. Christen was gone.

 

* * *

 

Julie wasn’t actually worried until Christen didn’t meet her after practice the next day, figuring that Christen had thought the meeting would go longer and had decided to head back before it got late. But when Christen wasn’t outside the tunnel the next day, for the first time since the tradition had started, Julie started to worry. For the rest of the week, Julie didn’t see Christen again.

She was frustrated. She wondered what she’d done wrong. And when that line of thought didn’t produce results, she decided that maybe she hadn’t done anything wrong and Christen had just decided that she was done playing around with her. She wasn’t worth her time anymore. The thought make Julie want to throw up or punch a wall.

She channeled all of her anger into Quidditch practice. She put in twice the effort during and twice the time after so that hopefully the ache in her body would replace the ache in her heart. It didn’t quite work.

“Hey, Jules,” Heather called out to her. Team dinner the night before the game had just ended and Julie was on her way back to her room.

“Can I talk to you for a sec?” her captain asked.

“Yeah, sure,” she replied.

“You okay?”

“What? Yeah, of course I am.”

“You sure? Because you seem pretty on edge.”

Julie didn’t respond. A lie wouldn’t get past HAO, but she didn’t really want to tell the truth either.

“Is this about Christen?” Heather asked.

Julie still didn’t respond but in a way, that was an answer itself.

“Look, Jules,” Heather said, turning Julie to face her. “I don’t know what went down between the two of you but, you can’t let it dictate your life. You’re an amazing person and if she can’t see that, then fuck her. And, this is going to sound super selfish but I need you at 100% this weekend. Okay? You’re an amazing beater and we can’t win without you.”

Julie nodded.

“Yeah, you got it Cap. I’ll be there. 100%.”

HAO grinned.

“That’s my girl.”

 

* * *

 

Julie was playing better than ever. That was the first thing that Christen noticed as she watched the Slytherin/Gryffindor game from the stands with Tobin. Part of her was angry. She wanted to believe that her leaving would have made Julie play worse, wrecked her focus, because if Christen had been in that position she would have barely been able to fly straight. But mostly she was just glad she wouldn’t be partially responsible if Slytherin won.

“GO ALEX!!” Tobin screamed next to her.

Christen watched the game with detached interest, mostly just focusing on Julie. She could have sworn that she'd improved since the last time Christen had seen her play, which had admittedly been on that unfortunate occasion that had landed her in the hospital wing. But Christen was sure that Julie’s turns were sharper and that her bludgers more accurate. She watched in awe as Julie somehow managed to fly across the entire pitch in time to intercept a bludger meant for Heather and send it with pinpoint accuracy at Carli, who in order to dodge it had to release the Quaffle. But just when Christen had come to the conclusion that she could watch Julie play all day, the game was over. Gryffindor’s tiny seeker was doing a lap around the field with the snitch held proudly over her head. Julie, along with the rest of the Gryffindors, joined her in the lap shouting their victory to the stands.

“That was annoyingly short,” Tobin complained. “But that Mallory kid is good. Did you see her dive? I've never seen a second year fly that sharply before.”

Christen hadn't seen it, her eyes on Julie the entire game but she nodded anyway.

“I should probably go to Alex,” Tobin said. “She's going to blame herself for that loss.”

Christen felt the predictable pang in her chest when Tobin mentioned Alex but she was startled to realize that it was not nearly as strong as she ache that had settled in her chest ever since she'd left Julie. She missed her. She missed the way Julie always smiled when she saw her, she missed how Julie could make her forget everything, including Tobin. She missed Julie's strong but gentle arms and she definitely missed kissing her.

“Yeah, you go,” Christen said to Tobin. “I'll see you later.”

Tobin said bye and ran off to find her girlfriend. Christen found herself wishing that she could go and find Julie, to jump into her arms and to kiss her as congratulations. But she'd lost that right. Hell, maybe she'd never had it. Frustrated and annoyed at herself, Christen ran to her room and grabbed her broomstick.

When she'd first gotten to Hogwarts, Christen had been frustrated by the lack of privacy. There were always people in her room, in the common room, in the Great Hall, and in the library. It seemed that getting any time alone was practically impossible so when she'd needed a moment alone to think, she'd found that the best solution was to grab her broomstick and fly. After a few scouting trips, she'd learned that there was a place on the roof of the Ravenclaw tower that was mostly shielded from the wind but offered a full view of the lake and the forest below.

This was where Christen had flown time and time again to mull out her feelings for Tobin, when the stress of an exam became too much, or when she missed home. She’d never thought that she’d have to come up here for Julie. When she'd left, the week before, she'd told herself that she wouldn't miss her. After all, in her mind, Julie was just a good hookup, someone who would always be there for her when Tobin wasn't. But even as she’d told herself that, she'd known it was a lie. Julie had come to mean so much more to her than that. Christen sighed. It didn't matter though. It would be the height of selfishness to continue messing around with Julie while she still had feelings for Tobin.

“Hey Chris, you okay?”

Christen nearly jumped out of her skin.

“Jesus Tobin! You scared me!”

Tobin laughed.

“Sorry, sorry, I should have announced my presence better.”

“Why are you here?” Christen asked. “Shouldn’t you be with Alex?”

“Alex is with her teammates. And I know you,” Tobin said. “When something is bothering you, you always come up here. When I couldn't find you in your room, I figured I should check up here. You've been acting strange all day.”

Christen didn't say anything in response. Tobin sighed and then sat down next to her.

“What happened with you and Julie?” Tobin asked. Christen’s head snapped up in surprise. She hadn't thought Tobin knew anything about that. “Don't look at me like that. I'm not an idiot. You two were spending a lot of time together and now you’re not. I've never seen you connect with someone that quickly before.”

“Except for you,” Christen muttered.

“Yeah, I suppose that's true. Either way, it's clear that you liked her. Like a lot.”

“Really?” Christen asked because as far as she could tell, she hadn't. Tobin had always held that place.

“Oh yeah, you got all starry eyed around her. And she made you smile. I've never seen you smile as much as when you were with her.”

“Except when I'm with you,” Christen muttered again.

“Huh? I don't think so…”

Christen looked at Tobin pointedly.

“I do. I'm never happier than when I'm with you,” Christen said, and now she was walking on dangerous ground. “At least, that's how it used to be.”

Tobin looked at Christen in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“I like you,” Christen said. “At least I used to. Now I don't know anymore.”

Tobin blinked. She opened her mouth as if to say something but no words come out.

“You don't have to say anything,” Christen said with a sigh. “I know that you love Alex. And it hurt at first but I can't deny that she makes you happier than I ever did or could.”

“I'm sorry,” Tobin said.

“Don't be. You don't owe me anything. And you've already been a better friend that I could have asked for. It hurt at first, but it's starting to hurt less.”

Tobin didn’t say anything in response. There really wasn’t anything she could say.

“So what was going on with you and Julie?” Tobin finally asked. Christen wondered what she knew. She and Julie had been very secretive, mostly at Christen’s request. Their first kiss in the empty hallway was the most public they’d been.

“I did a bad thing,” Christen said quietly. Tobin just looked at her, encouraging her to continue. So Christen told her everything. She told her how she’d been sad about Tobin and Alex and that Julie had said that she’d liked her and that she had taken full advantage of that. As she spoke, tears began to flow freely down her face. Tobin listened in silence until she was done.

“And then Kelley called me out on it and I realized she was right, you know? What I was doing to Julie was shitty and I left. I felt too guilty.”

“So what are you going to do now?” Tobin asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Do you miss Julie?”

“So much,” Christen said. “Watching her during the game today was like torture. I wanted to go up and hug her afterwards but I couldn’t.”

Tobin looked out over the lake, her expression thoughtful.

“Do you want to know what I think?”

“Yeah.”

“I think that a month ago, you wouldn't have told me any of this. It’s hard to tell someone that you like how you feel, especially if you know they won’t reciprocate. The rejection hurts a lot even if you can see it coming. But you told me and I think that means that, for better or for worse, you’re moving on. And I think a large part of that had to do with Julie. I think you feel more for her than you’re willing to admit.”

Tobin scooted closer to Christen so that she could put her arm around her shoulders and pull her close.

“I may be wrong, but I don’t think I am. And I’m definitely not saying that you should get back together with her right now while you’re still struggling, but I think the worst possible thing you could do for yourself is to pretend that you don’t feel something for Julie as well.”


	7. Chapter 7

It had been over a month since Julie had last seen Christen in more than just passing. Christen never seemed to even give Julie a glance. She did, on the other, hand seem to be spending much more time with Tobin. After the first two weeks, Julie had determined that Christen wasn’t coming back and while she was still hurt, Julie had made the herculean effort to stay focused and not let herself get derailed by Christen’s rejection.

To do this, she spent as little time on her own as she could. If there was one good side to Christen leaving it was that Julie was making tons of new friends. When Crystal and Lindsey were too busy, Julie spent time with Mallory and Heather and when they were too busy, she hung out with a boy from her Potions class named Zach. She quickly became close to him and and his friends and spending time with them sometimes made her forget to be angry or hurt.

In the meantime, Christen was thinking. A lot. She started to spend as much time with Tobin as she could, which inevitably meant spending time with Alex as well, and the more time she spent with Alex, the less she could hate her. Alex was honestly one of the nicest people that Christen had ever met and she was startled to discover that they had a lot in common other than Tobin. Alex and Christen were both a little awkward around people they didn’t really know. They gravitated towards people like Tobin and Kelley and Julie for whom human interaction was easy because it made it easier for them. They both loved Quidditch and hoped to play professionally when they graduated.

Somewhere along the way, it no longer bothered Christen when she had to spend time with Tobin and Alex. In fact, Alex quickly became one of her closer friends. The jealousy faded.

Well, maybe not faded and instead redirected because Julie had started to hang out with this boy who made her laugh and who put his hand on her arm in a way that made Christen’s chest tighten. And, Christen thought she knew what jealousy felt like after having watched Tobin from afar for so many years, but this burned in a way that she was unfamiliar with. Maybe it was because a month ago, her hand had been there and Julie had been smiling at her like that and Christen knew far too well what Zach would feel if Julie kissed him. The thought made her angry.

“So, uh, how long are you going to stare at her for before you ask her out again?” Tobin asked, snapping Christen out of her reverie.

“What?” Christen said.

“I said, how long-”

“No, I heard what you said. I just, you’re the one that told me to wait until I had my feelings sorted.”

“Are they not sorted?”

“I… I don’t know!”

Tobin raised her eyebrows at Christen.

“Look, I don’t know how you felt for me, but I’d be willing to take a bet that you are way more in love with her than you ever were with me. And I know this because you never glared at Alex like you’re glaring at that guy over there.”

Christen opened her mouth to argue but then closed it with a snap.

“Whatever.”

“Oh no. You don’t get to whatever me. You’ve been miserable for the last month without her. So stop pretending like you don’t know what you want as an excuse to not have to apologize.”

Christen glared at Tobin.

“I really wish you didn’t know me as well as you do.”

“No you don’t,” Tobin said with a soft smile. “Come on Chris. It’s time for you to get your girl.”

 

* * *

 

Of course, getting the girl would be easier said than done. Christen knew that she had wrecked any trust that Julie once had for her and she knew that she would be lucky if Julie hadn't done the sane thing and just moved on. But Christen had learned her lesson about waiting from afar and hoping things worked out so the next time Gryffindor had practice, Christen sat herself down outside the tunnel and waited.

And waited and waited. She sat for over an hour and was starting to worry that Julie hadn't stayed late this time or that she had decided to leave another way when she heard footsteps coming down the tunnel and she hastily stood, brushing the dirt off her robes.

Julie’s expression when she spotted her would have been comedic had Christen been an unbiased observer. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped a little. Then, gathering herself, Julie snapped her jaw shut and glared at Christen. It was an expression that Christen had not seen on Julie’s face before.

“What are you doing here?” Julie asked, through clenched teeth.

“This is stage one of the apology process.”

Julie raised her eyebrows.

“Stage one?”

“Yeah, there are three stages. And you'll get to see the other two later if I do this one properly so can you just stand there and listen to what I have to say?”

Julie didn't say anything but she didn't walk away either, which Christen took as a good sign.

“Okay, so I was a massive asshole to you. Like a real dick. I lied to you when you asked me if I had feelings for Tobin and then I used you. And then, without any warning or explanation I abandoned you and at the time it all made some sort of sense in my head. But looking back on it now, I can think of no good reason to do what I did. But I am sorry I did. I never wanted to lose you as a friend because you mean more to me than I ever thought you would. I don't expect you to forgive me right now or ever if you don't want to but I want to do everything I can to make it up to you because, honestly, you deserve so much better. So, just to reiterate. I'm sorry. I am so, so very sorry.”

Julie’s expression was unreadable.

“What are stages two and three?”

“Well, I can't tell you that or it would ruin the surprise. Stage one isn't over though. I was hoping that stage one would end with me walking you to dinner and eating with you.”

“I said I’d have dinner with Zach,” Julie replied and Christen’s heart sunk.

“Right, uh, he's that guy you've been hanging out with a bunch right? I… Yeah, okay. Maybe next time then. Can I walk you up to the castle at least?”

Julie eyes her with distrust as if Christen but eventually nodded slowly. They walked side by side in silence until they reached the doors of the Great Hall.

“I guess, this is where I leave you,” Christen said, awkwardly. She'd known it would be hard to be around Julie after everything but she'd kind of hoped that it wouldn't be this hard. “Thank you for listening and for letting me walk you up. Is it okay if I wait for you after practice again?”

Julie looked at her in surprise but nodded.

“Great! Awesome! Okay, I'll see you after your next practice. Have fun at dinner,” she said.

“Yeah, you too,” Julie replied and then she turned and entered the Great Hall.

Christen took a deep breath to steady her beating heart and watched Julie until she sat at the table with Zach. It wasn't perfect, but it was something.

 

* * *

 

Over the next few weeks, Christen met Julie after every practice and every time walked her up to dinner. Every time Christen asked if Julie would be eating with Zach and the fourth time Julie finally said no.

“Can I eat with you then?” Christen asked tentatively.

“I was counting on it,” Julie replied.

After that, Julie made sure to have her dinners after practice free for Christen. The conversations were stunted at first, Christen unsure of what she was allowed to ask or say and Julie not wanting to show that she still cared but eventually the two found their rhythm again. After three weeks, Julie finally asked, “so what's stage 2?”

Christen blushed.

“Stage two is… Stage two is kind of on going. It's getting you to trust me again. I lied to you and then abandoned you and I know that that's going to take some work to repair.”

“I do trust you,” Julie said and Christen could see in her face that she meant it. And that was one of the reasons that Christen liked her so much. Julie was open and forgiving and she always saw the best in people.

“I do not have feelings for Tobin anymore,” Christen said. She watched as Julie's face immediately closed off.

“Lying is not a good way to convince me to trust you.”

“It's not a lie. Not this time,” Christen said. “I spent the last month sorting through everything that I was feeling to be able to say that to you honestly, but I get that it'll take you a while to believe me on that so, I'll wait and I'll do everything I can to prove I'm being honest.”

Julie seemed skeptical but didn't say anything. A few days later, Christen and Julie ate dinner with Tobin and Alex. It was a little uncomfortable for half a second but Tobin’s easy going nature and ability to navigate any social situation quickly smoothed things over. The difference between this dinner and the first time they had all hung out was so pronounced that Christen was surprised that no one else had called her out on liking Tobin. She was surprised Tobin hadn't known. Before, all of her attention had been focused on Tobin. It had been like tunnel vision. She hadn't been able to see anyone but her. Now, she did a better job of engaging everyone, though all of her wanted to just be with Julie. At the end of that dinner, Julie looked way more comfortable and remarkably happier than she had in awhile.

It took another two weeks and Julie hanging out with Alex, Tobin and Christen twice more for her to look at Christen thoughtfully, as they made their way up to the castle after Julie’s practice and say, “so…. Stage Three?”

“Is stage two over?” Christen asked skeptically.

“Yeah,” Julie said, blushing deeply, “I believe you.”

“Well in that case, stage three is me asking you out on a date this Saturday. I hear the Three Broomsticks has really good sandwiches.”

Julie tripped to a stop and looked at Christen in surprise.

"Are you for real?"

“Yeah. I am,” Christen said, stepping closer to grab Julie's hand. “Look Julie, before… I was using you and that was awful of me but I did it because you made me feel safe and I liked being around you. I wouldn't have done that with just anyone and the month I spent without you was lonely and awful and I missed you even though I had Tobin because I fell for you. I fell for you in a way I never did with Tobin. So please let me do this right this time. I want to prove to you that this is real and that I love you.”

Julie looked at Christen in amazement.

“You love me?”

Christen blushed. She hadn't really meant to say that so soon but she couldn't deny at this point that it was true.

“Yeah, I love you Julie and I--”

This time it was Julie pushing Christen up against the wall and kissing her until she couldn't breathe. Christen felt her knees go weak as she kissed back and she was glad Julie's arms were around her waist because she didn't think she could stay standing for much longer without them. She reached up and wrapped her arms around Julie's shoulders pulling her in closer. Julie moaned softly and responded with fervor.

A door slamming down the hall eventually made them pull apart. They were breathing hard and flushed and grinning from ear to ear.

“I love you too,” Julie replied. “And yes to stage three. Sandwiches sound great.”


End file.
